You really coming over, don't trick.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
