why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
