i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
