I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
