i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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