Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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