WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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