My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
