the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
