If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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