It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
