I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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