I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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