The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
