Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
