Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think my moral compass just broke
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