do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
