At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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