sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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