I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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