I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
