i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
