super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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