you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
