What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
