No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
