Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
