omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
