she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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