omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
