Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
