I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
