Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
