My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
