I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
