Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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