I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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