How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
