dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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