We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
