WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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