My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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