"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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