Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My pussy is not your playground.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
