i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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