why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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