This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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