I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
