I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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