I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
