dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
