Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
