i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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