definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
