Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
