i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
