there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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