So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
