If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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