Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
