I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
