Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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