You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
