ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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