Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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