I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
