i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
