I love black thongs
the condom got lost in my hair
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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