Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
