I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
