theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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