who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
