I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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