I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
