I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
