Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
