You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
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